That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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