A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
