the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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