as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
