Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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