i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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