No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
