He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
