The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
