There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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