your room smells of hookers.
And success
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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