It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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