Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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