Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
