But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
