who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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