He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
