why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
