I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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