What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
