I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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