Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize