Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
