Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't deserve a penis
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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