had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize