when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
did you just send me my own nude
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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