you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
