somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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