i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
