Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize