come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
