Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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