I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
