I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's blow job season.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
