Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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