And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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