That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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