So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
