Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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