do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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