I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
