Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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