it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize