I wish I could punch you in the face.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
