Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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