i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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