Cold hands, warm shart.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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