who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
