I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
