his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
