The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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