It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
