I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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