i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
