Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
