My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
