My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
