tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
