i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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