I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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