This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
