it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
