Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
