my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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