I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
