you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
