Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
