went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
