BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
