it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
