i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize