I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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